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Posted by George Freund on September 19, 2014 at 1:20 PM

Dear Vladimir:

Scotland appeared to be on the verge of voting for independence. My most important naval bases are in Scotland. Can you offer me any advice on how I can seize them under a moral justification to look after our strategic interests? I realize I was a tad harsh with you over seizing The Crimea. But now I understand what you've done.

I would look a little hypocritical pulling the forceful seizure like you did. However, I was wondering if creating an Islamic threat akin to ISIS would be appropriate. Then I would have to send in the troops at the behest of the frightened people. I did let the situation drag on for some time I'm afraid, and I don't know if we could get any anything off the ground so quickly.

Thanks for your advise.


Dear David:

I understand your situation completely. Chairman Mao correctly determined many long years ago it doesn't matter who casts the ballots. It only matters who counts the ballots. I'm sure you understand. I would use the intelligence services to create as much election fraud as possible in combination with fear mongering propaganda. I hear you have some experience in the matter. You can always resort to a Scottish Iron Maiden if you fail. Invasion doesn't seem to garner much international support because we are too easily accepted by most people as the aggressor. Good luck.


It would appear David took the advice offered. There are many serious allegations afoot. Children as young as three getting ballots. People finding out they already voted when they get to the polls. Fire alarms at YES poling stations and YES votes put on NO tables were reported. MI5 was told to BUTT OUT officially, but Her Majesty's Secret Services have done worse.


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